His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's like iHOP with fire
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
