There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
