He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
