he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she peed on how many people?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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