i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
