i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
