I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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