wrigley field is MILF paradise
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
