Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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