half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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