Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
