I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
