I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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