my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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