Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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