i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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