She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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