I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
