You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
