Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
