imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
