i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
