We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
