He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
