I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
