Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
