I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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