I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
