im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
