I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
