The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
