This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
