dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
