I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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