I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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