I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
