Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
