went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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