I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
