i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
