I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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