whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
