3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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