captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
