So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
