Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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