dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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