Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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