my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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