OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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