First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't turn off my feet"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
