I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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