My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
