dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
