Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
