I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
